This Smart Car 2 Doubles as a Toaster Because Why Not

Smart Car Toasts Bread While You Drive

Filed under: Tech Misfires, Appliance Overload, Vehicular Regret

In a stunning leap forward for people who hate boundaries, a new smart car now comes with a fully integrated toaster. Yes, toast. In your dashboard. Because apparently what we really needed wasn’t better mileage or safer roads—it was carb-on-the-go convenience.

Dubbed the CruzeNToast (because letters are optional now), this marvel of modern engineering was unveiled at a tech expo where a man in a lab coat casually inserted a slice of sourdough next to the GPS system. It browned nicely—right before the navigation screen flashed “Burnt.”

“We’re innovating the mobile breakfast space,” said Head of Product Disruption, Tamryn, whose LinkedIn bio includes the phrase “thought pancake.”

The CruzeNToast features two bread slots, three toasting modes (light, golden, and ‘panic’), and Bluetooth connectivity so you can sync your bread-browning preferences to your Fitbit.

Of course, it comes with downsides. The airbag compartment had to be relocated to make room for the gluten chamber. Also, one test vehicle burst into crumbs when the defrost setting and toast mode were activated simultaneously.

Still, reviews are mixed. One driver said, “Sure, my car smells like brunch and regret, but I haven’t been late to a meeting or breakfast since.”

We asked a safety expert what they thought. They sighed deeply and said, “This is why the aliens don’t visit.”